005: Tantrum

Freckles are embers
singed by bleeding indigo flames
from mouth unkind.
Charcoal falls, ash rains,
fist collides with the wall.
It burns from my knuckles.
It’s burning. Everything is burning.
I am burning.
Dense black and purple smoke
fills lungs, it tastes
bitter on the tongue.
A flash in my eyes,
I scream unkind with
bleeding indigo flames.

Ooo this is a darker poem than the others I've shared. Before I get to the technical and stylistic points, I have to say I love this poem. I wrote it in the spring of 2016, after June and around the same time as Watercolors. Last spring was really big for my poetry because I realized I had a lot of denial and stress in myself. I wouldn't allow myself to write poems about me or people I knew or experiences I'd had. I fronted with nature poems like June. I was taking a class that semester about writing about personal experience, and it completely transformed my work. It forced me to confront my issues and ask myself why I was afraid to write about certain topics.

This poem is the first poem where I allowed myself to be angry. I've never been a screamer or someone who is looking for an argument. I seethe to myself, so, for me, allowing myself to capture some of that anger I keep in me in a poem was a relief. It felt like I was... validating those emotions I would bottle up and not allow myself to express.

This poem was written mid-semester, so I can see in it the shift in the content and voice, and also in the syntax. I now see so many words that can be cut out because they don't contribute to the poem. They're extra, slowing the momentum and dampening the passion. A poem like this needs to be sharp and hitting. The excess words are bogging the images.

My style now - I'd like to think - is more fluid and has euphony. This poem doesn't have the best flow, but I can see where I'm starting to flirt with it. It's actually really interesting for me. I'm used to looking at old poems and think oh god, but for this one it's, like, I can see myself as a poet starting to take shape.

Help a girl out: what are your favorite lines?
Tell me in the comments! 💟

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