When the New Girl is Better Than You

You're in pole class. You're all jazzed up because heck yeah you're in the studio about to make some sexy magic with that body. Mmm, baby. You have everything you need for class and you're determined to work on that trick/spin/cool thing that has been eluding you. Ya know, another day of working hard to achieve your goals because you're on a noble quest to be an athletic sex goddess. The ush. And oh hey! A new girl is in class today. She's fun, she's cool, and she's... doing that thing you're struggling to do?


Ooh skippy, let me tell you: this is a thing. Everyone in pole has had this experience where someone new comes in and is able to pick it up like it's nothing. Don't get me wrong, it's so, so exciting for someone to have success. It's encouraging to do well on your first day because you'll be motivated to continue, but when you're a regular, you have... mixed emotions about someone new doing something you're struggling with. It's not a competition, but it sets in self-doubt.

You wonder about you're own abilities when someone is a natural. You look at yourself and wonder if that trick you struggled to get for so long was actually difficult or if you're just incompetent. I mean, look how easily she got into it... a newbie. Like, she hasn't even been here a month and she's starting to work on the same things as you. Hell, she's actually doing them well. Like, wow, it's her one month mark and she's doing things you can't do and won't for a while. Should you even be doing this? I mean, look, she can walk in and just do it. Maybe you aren't cut out for this, kid.

What I'm saying is, it's lowkey soul crushing. It's hurts that you have all this passion and you're trying so hard while someone else does it so effortlessly. It's totally natural to feel a little hurt when someone doesn't struggle the way you do.

I've found that the best way to move passed these feelings is one question: why?

Why is it so easy for her?

It's usually comes down to previous athleticism and mentality.

If someone has been an athlete all their lives, some of pole will come easier for them because they've been working their muscles for years. Granted, they aren't guaranteed to be good strictly because they're an athlete, but there's no arguing more muscle is going to help you out. If you can't get into a trick because you simply don't have the muscle, that doesn't make you bad in comparison to those who can. It means your body isn't there yet. Pole would be so easy if it was only about being passionate, but it's a sport. You need a strong body to do a lot of the flashy tricks you see on Instagram. If the new girl has a strong body, it makes sense that she'll have an edge when it comes to the heavy lifting. 

You might also be holding yourself back. I inverted for the first time at the end of December, but I probably could have done it two months earlier. I told myself I couldn't though. I told myself I wasn't strong enough and would break my head open on the ground if I tried without a spotter and crash mat. I was so scared of being upside down I wouldn't let my body do what it was capable of. This is a problem no amount of working out or practice can fix. If you're putting limitations on yourself about what you can do, you're limiting your chances to discover the potential of your body. You have to work with yourself to start pushing your boundaries.

As I said, it's a total bummer when a new girl does better than you, but it doesn't mean you're less than. Everyone comes to pole from different backgrounds and experiences that influence how they do in the studio. These differences are a beautiful thing. You can't take the new girl's success as an attack on you. Her experience is just different than yours.

And you never know, she may be looking at you and feeling down on herself for not having something you do. The best thing to do is realize that this talented person is your ally, not your enemy. Build each other up, and celebrate each other's success - no matter what level you're at.

Have you ever had someone new be better than you? When? How did you deal with it?
Tell me in the comments! 💓

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