The Five Blocks to Your Spontaneity

Spontaneous: coming or resulting from a natural impulse or tendency; without effort or premeditation; natural and unconstrained

Bruhhh, lemme tell you: your girl is a planner. Like, I’m in no way a spontaneous person. I like the idea of being one, but yikes. I don’t like things not going according to plan. I’m not saying it ruins my day, but, I mean, I’ve let days be less good because of it.

And, like, that’s so lame, honestly.

Planning is good, but I crave spontaneity in my life! There’s so many possibilities in every moment if you choose to take them. Why aren’t I? I crave more risk and chance, mystery and sudden surprise, to fuel my soul with adventure and courage. I want to let down my hair and not be so wound up about having a grip on every. single. situation. I want to be a version of me who manages herself but is still unafraid to see what comes naturally.

So ugh! What’s my problem?

Why is letting life sneak up on me, like, such an issue? I’m constantly having this battle with myself about not being so composed and allowing myself to live looser, and this post is sort of my next step. I’ve acknowledged I have a problem, so I need to realize what feeds the problem, what allows me to constantly turn away from what I claim to want.

I want to believe I’m not alone in this. Maybe that’s terrible to say, but I mean it like no one wants to go through a journey alone. I would be so sad if I was the only not spontaneous girl there ever was. I’d like to think there’s some other girls (or people) out there like me who are perhaps wound a little too tight and only need someone to say it’s okay to relax a little and go for it. We don’t need to be in control of every second, and we’re not failing if we aren’t. We can simply be, and wonderful, exhilarating things can happen when you let life act upon you.

So this is for those of us who need help letting go in a moment. Let’s let it breathe and flourish.

one
Fear

Yes, obvi. Let’s get the reason with neon signs blaring over it out of the way. The unknown is terrifying and doesn’t really need much explaining.

When we’re afraid of trying something new, it’s because we’re only thinking of all the ways it could go wrong and make us regret taking a chance. Those bad things won’t happen and we won’t have this tangle of regret in our bellies if we don’t put ourselves out there. It doesn’t matter what it is: talking to someone cute, trying a new food, going on a day trip, moving to a new place, interviewing for a new job, going to a class, or getting a body modification. Big or small, fear is ALWAYS flirting with our spontaneity.

I don’t want to repeat more of what we’ve already heard before, but life happens outside of our comfort zone. I’m not saying you have to jump off cliffs in another country or cut off all your hair, but everything that scares us isn’t bad. Fear is often an opportunity to conquer ourselves more than what we’re afraid of.

If fear is what is holding you back, ask yourself why you’re afraid and if it will matter a year from now. There’s a good chance it won’t.

two
Planning

There’s nothing better to me than making a plan because when you’re making a plan, everything is perfect. Everything’s in place and pretty and just the way you want. The execution is flawless, there’s no kinks, and you can put a lil ol’ cherry on top it’s going so well.

But here’s the deal – planning can verge on fantasizing (see point three!). We’re doing ourselves a disservice by thinking we can plan everything and not allow a little bit of wild chance and stars aligning to come along. I’m a planner, so I know how satisfying it is to have it all figured out; but we’re opening ourselves up to being let down when we expect our plan to be the end all of the occasion.

We have to accept that while we may plan, that isn’t the way the universe works. Shaking up an already made plan or forging ahead without one can feel mildly disorienting for planners, but it’s sort of like taking off the training wheels. We have to go for the ride and keep pedaling no matter what. See what life offers when you take your own path less traveled. 

If planning is what’s holding you back, ask yourself what’s so bad about plans changing or even not having one. Will you really have a bad time?

three
Envisioning

Oh, envisioning. This one is sort of a continuation of planning. You see, planning isn’t just about the plan – it’s our vision of the plan. We imagine it playing out and looking the best it can, so we make ourselves wait until it can be perfect.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to do a certain activity or go to a certain place, but you imagine yourself looking or being a particular way. Oh no, I can’t go to this event because I’m too fat. I can’t go to this place because I’m not dressed for it. I can’t do this activity because I’m not already knowledgeable about it.

I’ll be honest: envisioning is one of the biggest killers of my spontaneity. I’ll have a specific idea in my head of how something is suppose to go, and I’ll genuinely struggle with it not matching up to my daydream. How many laughs and memories have I passed up because of a bad hair day or I needed to do laundry?

If envisioning is holding you back, imagine multiple scenarios and don’t marry yourself to one. You never know how life will go.

four
Comfort

Ya know how I brought up that life happens outside our comfort zones in my first point about fear? I have some news for you about your comfort zone: you should be afraid of it.

Comfort can be a horrifying beast that blinds you to how much it’s holding you back because, well, you’re comfortable. Eh, you don’t need to take a chance or spice up your life – you’re comfortable, you’re fine, you’re content.

Imagine describing every weekend as comfortable – now your college experience, your relationships, the last five years, your life?

Comfort doesn’t sound so comforting, huh? It actually starts to sound monotonous, average, and maybe a bit boring. Spontaneity is important for coloring your life and making it less predictable.

If comfort is holding you back, ask yourself when the last time you took yourself by surprise was. It might be longer ago than you expected.

five
Logic

I’m gonna tell you some truth right now: you can use logic to reason yourself out of any risk, chance, adventure, or moment of courage. There will always be a reasonable explanation to wait or not do something.

That isn’t the way to live your life.

If everyone in the world only did what was logical, we wouldn’t have so much of what makes life beautiful. A lot of life comes from the impossible and unthinkable. Art and beauty and pushing our limits don’t all come from a place of logic. Let your fantasies and spontaneous impulses fuel you instead of smothering them down.

Maybe your burst of spontaneity doesn’t make the most sense, but does everything have to make sense? We all know you only need a few seconds to change your life, and sometimes it’s best to abandon logic in those seconds.

If logic is holding you back, ask if your voice of reason is actually the voice of fear and go back to point one.

 

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