Do I Want to Be A Blogger?

Blogger: a person who keeps and updates a blog

This is never a blog post I expected to write – especially after my declarative post I Want to Be A Blogger last January – but here we are. I’m going to get straight to the point with this.

I told you yesterday I Hired a Business Coach. It’s exciting and going to open whole new doors for me, but it has also made me do a lot of thinking about the business I want to build and where blogging fits into it.

See, I had my mental map of how I was going to approach my career goals this year. I was going to grind with my blog, and it was going to spring board me to be able to start a business and get clients next year as a coach. Because… that made sense? I needed to have a blog to do so?

Everything I’ve been doing the past four years has been hell-bent on creating a successful blog. I’ve been blogging for so long I’ve never considered stopping.

I’ve been trying to make a career on the internet for years now because I don’t want to work in an office forever. I’ve poured money into blogging courses and training, but I’m questioning if I’m pursuing my purpose correctly.

I’ve always been a writer. I absolutely adore writing, and if I’m being honest, I feel like that part of me has been smothered by blogging. If I want to write, I guilt myself because I should be writing posts instead of poems.

You know what my favorite blog post I’ve ever written is? Losing My First Love. I was miserable when I was writing it, but I felt like a writer again. I was weaving emotion with a narrative and making choices about what information will alter the tone and portrayal of the piece.

I miss being a writer.

I say this in the kindest way, but you don’t have to be a writer to be a blogger. I’m not saying that to attack anyone or insult the effort people put into their blogs, but any person can open up Blogspot or Wix or Tumblr and be a blogger in about 10 minutes. I like to think I know a thing or two about writing since I got my degree in it. I don’t want to mass produce posts where exclamation points are used to substitute a personality and my worth is determined by pretty photos instead of my words.

When I first started blogging at 20, I remember sitting on my family computer while talking on the phone with my best friend, telling her I was never going to write these “How to Do This,” or “Seven Ways to Do That,” posts. I wanted to write content with meaning and heart. And look where I am – The 7 Reasons Your New Year’s Resolution Will Fail and 119 Goals You Can Set Today for a Better Life.

Yes, growth and change are totally part of the process, but, like, am I allowing myself to have the deeper, substantive connections I want to have when I’m worried about what I want to write that can also be SEO’d? I’ve compromised my values in the name of blogging.

I’m happiest when I can sit with a piece to rework it, revision it, want to give up on it, and then be happy with it. I don’t feel like I have the time to put the care I want to put into posts because I want to treat them like poems, short stories, and novel chapters instead of what they are.

My attempted schedule of one post a week is scarce compared to most bloggers out there, and even that doesn’t feel like enough time. The posts I enjoy most are these ones – ones where I can express myself to you in a way where the words flows naturally like a conversation.

A conversation – something you can have with a coach, face to face, over a warm beverage.

I started blogging at 20 with the mission of making people happier, more confident, and unafraid of the world around them. I didn’t know life coaches existed or that everything I wanted could be met through it.

I do enjoy blogging, but in terms of where I want to invest my time and cultivate abundance, well, I don’t know if blogging is working for me. In all honesty, it seems like it takes a lot away from me.

I’m not saying I’m giving up on blogging. Hell, this might be an emotional blip, but I’m reconsidering how it fits with the story I want to tell with the rest of my life. Blogging may very well be a piece of my business, but I’m not sure right now.

What I do know is since this thought occurred to me to stop, I felt a weight come off of me. My intuition says it wouldn’t feel that way if I was happy. It feels freeing actually – not because I’m quitting or giving up, but because I want something more.

So right now, I don’t want to be a blogger. I want to be a life coachI want to be a business owner.