I Want to Be a Blogger

Choice: an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.

I have something I need to say. More like a sequence of things, but I need to say it.

I’ve had a lot of changes in 2017. I could ramble on about my highlights and growing moments, but I want to focus on my life game changers: I graduated college and have a full-time job now. I love being out of school, but one of the realities is, well, I’m a real adult now. I have my 8-5 work week and a commute both ways. My coworkers and I talk about how terrible traffic is, and I can’t wait for casual Friday so I can wear jeans instead of slacks. My coworkers are kind and my benefits are great.

It’s all fine, but it’s just fine. I get no inner fulfillment from my work. It doesn’t fuel the fire in my soul or inspire my art. I’m waiting for 5 p.m. everyday and sighing frequently. The seeds of monotony have been planted, and every hour on the clock nurtures them.

An area where I have been getting fulfillment is in my new blog studies. I started listening to some influencer podcasts in November, which led to participating in webinars and absorbing all kinds of insanely helpful blogger content – content that has been waiting freely at my finger tips. I’ve been loving every second of it and taking notes upon notes upon notes, but so much information has been thrown at me, I thought it was going to be a problem. A I’m going to have to do a major overhaul of my blog and start from zero kind of problem. I’m thankfully not.

I have some adjusting to do but no burning it all to the ground. I need to fix some of my pages, I’ve pulled some content, I’ve – sigh.

I’m rambling, so let me get to the point: my new adult life and my recent studies have pushed me along to a realization:

I want to be a blogger – a real blogger.

I told myself I was serious about blogging, but I wasn’t. I liked the idea of being serious, and I wanted to believe I was serious; but deep down, I knew I actually wasn’t. I was treating blogging as a hobby, not a passion. I had mental block after mental block of things I decided were holding me back.

See, I didn’t have a plan when I started TCFL or a clear vision of what my blog was even supposed to be. It was simply lifestyle blog.

No goal, no mission, no intention.

The desire is different this time. This isn’t another la-di-da I’m going to play blogger strut. I’m ready to give it my all to make it happen. I’m done thinking about how it would be cool to live my dream life and have writing and poetry and content creation be my job.

I need this.

Like, I’m done bullshitting myself. I either want it, or I don’t. It’s as simple as that.

I’m making changes, and it feels good. I’m excited about everything I’m adding and redoing. I kinda want to, like, word vomit my half-thoughts and developing vision, but it would be a mess. I’ll tell you all my vision and goals and what changes I’m making as it comes together. I’ll share it all with you.

I just needed to take a second and… declare this, I suppose.